mormons: who needs ‘em?

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A Turbulent Tramp: 15 Years, 6 Continents, Countless Questionable Decisions


I’ve been in Dominican Republic for three days now. I could tell you about all of the culture I’ve soaked up (none), the local history I’ve learned about (none), and the sightseeing I’ve done (none), but instead, I’ll just fill you in on the three best things I’ve experienced so far.

1.

Our vaguely phallic-shaped pool implies that whoever designed it has either never seen a penis, or has seen one very deformed penis.

The pool is in the shape of two very large balls, and one tiny and somewhat round George W Bush. I have posted a picture below to prove this. You figure it out.

Travel Dominican Republic | Phallyic Shaped Pool

2.

My friend’s father commenced his visit determined to discuss every taboo subject within one hour of arrival.

I’m an opinionated person, even though I strive not to have any opinions. I prepared for the arrival of Tanicus’s father, reminding myself I was not to bring up any taboo subjects. As it turns out, I didn’t need to bring up any taboo subjects. In the car on the way to dinner, we were already discussing prostitution (“just because it’s available doesn’t mean you’re required to take part!”). Then he segwayed right into politics (“a lot of what Rick Santorum says is right”) and directly into religion (“Mormons – who needs ‘em?”).

3.

There is literally a team of employees that are working to keep this villa looking as amazing and clean as possible.

How many gardeners does it take to maintain a 1/8 acre property? Apparently, in Dominican Republic, the answer to that question is four. Four gardeners. And then the maid came. She must have been wondering how man-boy (Tanicus) and I could have made such a mess in just one day (Nice to meet you!) All I know is I went on a run, took my kite down to the beach, swam in the pool a few times, made a smoothie, took three showers, and after it was all over, the house was completely clean with no remnants of the rubble I had left in my wake.
Travel Dominican Republic | Plants at our Beach House

Travel Dominican Republic | Beach House Mess

I’m pretty sure I can survive this life for a while. It seems pretty awesome. What blows my mind is that there are people in the adjacent houses that live like this ALL YEAR LONG. I wonder if they remember what it was like to have to pick up their OWN dirty towel off the bathroom floor and put it in the washing machine.

Probably not.

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